--> dayName = new Array ("Sunday", "Monday", "Tuesday", "Wednesday", "Thursday", "Friday", "Saturday") monName = new Array ("January", "February", "March", "April", "May", "June", "July", "August", "September", "October", "November", "December") now = new Date Jan = new Array Jan[1] = "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Jan[2] = "When my horse is running good,I don't stop to give him sugar." Jan[3] = "When everyone is somebody,then no one's anybody." Jan[4] = "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." Jan[5] = "If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance on it." Jan[6] = "I can do anything. In GQ, I appeared as a man." Jan[7] = "It takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place." Jan[8] = "I can live for two months on a good compliment." Jan[9] = "Dear Lord, if the world is overpopulated, how come no one ever comes to visit me?" Jan[10] = "Everything that can be invented has been invented." Jan[11] = "If I had a lever long enough I could move the world." Jan[12] = "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen all at once." Jan[13] = "Of the thirty-six ways of avoiding disaster, running away is best." Jan[14] = "We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it." Jan[15] = "The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it." Jan[16] = "'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'." Jan[17] = "Anything is good if it's made of chocolate." Jan[18] = "In an underdeveloped country don't drink the water. In a developed country don't breathe the air." Jan[19] = "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." Jan[20] = "We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it." Jan[21] = "Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you." Jan[22] = "He resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again." Jan[23] = "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster." Jan[24] = "To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am." Jan[25] = "I am rather like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what I ought to do, but I don’t know where to begin." Jan[26] = "Life is a sexually transmitted disease." Jan[27] = "Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture." Jan[28] = "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." Jan[29] = "How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?" Jan[30] = "I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed." Jan[31] = "Driving round a bend and skidding on a mat of dead toads is very unpleasant for all concerned." May = new Array May[1] = "-Lily Tomlin" May[2] = "-William Faulkner" May[3] = "-W. S. Gilbert" May[4] = "-Elbert Hubbard" May[5] = "" May[6] = "-Boy George" May[7] = "-Lewis Carroll" May[8] = "-Mark Twain" May[9] = "-Ben Wicks" May[10] = "-director of the US Patent Office, 1899" May[11] = "-Archimedes" May[12] = "-Albert Einstein" May[13] = "" May[14] = "-Will Rogers" May[15] = "-George Orwell" May[16] = "-Dave Barry" May[17] = "-Jo Brand" May[18] = "-Jonathan Raban" May[19] = "-Groucho Marx" May[20] = "-Will Rogers" May[21] = "-Fred Allen" May[22] = "-Kingsley Amis" May[23] = "-Isaac Asimov" May[24] = "-Bernard Baruch, on his 85th birthday" May[25] = "-Stephen Bayne" May[26] = "-Guy Bellamy" May[27] = "-Mario Buatta" May[28] = "-Noel Coward" May[29] = "-Charles de Gaulle, ex-President of France" May[30] = "-Robert Frost" May[31] = "-Amanda Hillier" June=new Array June[1]="Swizzlesocks are spiffy" June[2]="Do you have happy feet?" June[3]="Tyedye is out...or is it?" June[4]="Don't your feet deserve some fun?" June[5]="Swizzlesocks: more than just a sock" June[6]="Put a strut in your walk with a swizzlesock" June[7]="Swizzling" June[8]="Need a pair of tye-dyed socks?" June[9]="Swizzlesocks: more fun than a barrel of monkeys" June[10]="Swizzlesocks don't make you run fast, but they look pretty neat" June[11]="Napoleon would wear Swizzlesocks if they'd been invented when he was alive" June[12]="Tyedye+Feet=Happy" June[13]="Pants too short? Swizzlesocks add style to your ankles" June[14]="If your toes could talk, they'd say Swizzle" June[15]="Horace the three legged mule endorses Swizzlesocks" June[16]="Nutritious and delicious: there's lots of fibre in swizzlesocks" June[17]="Even nudists have to wear socks. Swizzlesocks." June[18]="Prevent blisters: wear Swizzlesocks" June[19]="The natural habitat of tyedye is on your feet" June[20]="Ed the sock goes retro: Swizzlesocks" June[21]="Life suck? Maybe you need some lucky socks." June[22]="Survival tip: use your Swizzlesock as a tourniquet if you cut off your arm" June[23]="Swizzlesocks are toques for your feet." June[24]="Need some fibre in your diet? Eat Swizzlesocks" June[25]="You know what rhymes with Twizzler? Swizzler. Eat licorice. Wear socks." June[26]="Note to self: acquire Swizzlesocks." June[27]="Socks are condiments for your feet." June[28]="Sunburned toes suck. Wear swizzlesocks." June[29]="Swizzlesocks are to feet as popsicles are to freezers. Essential." June[30]="Don't you wish you were wearing some Swizzlesocks right now?" June[31]="Tye-dye is like the new beige: it matches everything"

Horoscopes

Unofficial UofG Student Resource

Health			Stressed?
School Stuff	Dinero	Clubbing	Sports
Compulsive Email Check	Getting Around	Handy Info	I'm Hungry, Dammit!

Any advice for incoming frosh? Or just have something to say? Help out the frosh of Guelph and tell them "What I learned the hard way. " After all, they only have six months to make all the dumbest mistakes of their lives.

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